Don’t take offense to this article if you have any of traits I list. I’ve had several people leave vile comments suggesting I am telling people to change or that this article describes people with Aspergers or describes depressed people. Those are all serious issues but these are my personal experiences. I put a lot of thought into this article and it is not easy sharing personal things of this nature. I believe in evolving and re-inventing myself. It is what has always worked for me. You are free to take my advice or leave it.
What makes one person boring and another person NOT boring?
You’re not supposed to care what other people think but let’s face it…..Some of us (myself included) do care. You don’t want to bore the hell out of other people or have a life so uninteresting that even YOU find your own life boring.
The problem is, you have no idea how to not be a boring person or how to be less boring.
So what’s the answer?
Now before you start reading, let me first clarify that I AM NOT AN EXPERT on the subject matter of being charismatic and truth be told, I AM NOT THE MOST EXCITING PERSON IN THE WORLD nor will I ever be.
I do however want and wish I could be more vibrant in social situations. Less of a wallflower if you will. Not so much because I care what others think of me, which I actually do but more because I admire charismatic and lively people. I strive to continually evolve and improve myself and this is one way in which I have chosen to do it.
Why Am I So Boring?- My story of feeling like a boring person
Trying to be and feel less boring, is an issue which I have struggled with ever since I was a child. I think worrying if I was DULL other people or not must have been what made me so damn shy. Shy to the point where It was debilitating. I would freeze or become silent because I was so afraid of what other people might think of me. Later on in life, as a teenager, it just became normal for me to shrink into the background or act awkward in social settings.
I was the kid who ate lunch alone
I used to dread the bell to eat lunch because I had no friends to eat with. My only and best friends were two neighbourhood girls. I am not saying I had no friends, because I did. But they didn’t actively seek me out like they did the other kids. I was always forgotten about. If I wasn’t there, no one missed me. No one looked forward to seeing me. I was all too aware of just how boring I was and it bothered me. . I looked on with envy at the other kids who in my eyes were like social honey attracting all the other kids with their sweet and fascinating personalities.
It wasn’t until I was in my late teens and then a young adult when I started to take action and actually try to feel more secure about myself. I did this by actively looking at what other people were doing and de-engineering their personalities and behaviours. I tried to figure out what made them more interesting and tried to adopt or emulate them in one way or another.
Trial and error: Things I have done to help me feel less boring.
This method of emulating others we admire has its advantages and disadvantage but it will ony take you so far. Feeling like a bore is ultimately a problem of insecurity, something I lacked. I lacked security to just be myself. I let my insecurity, shyness and fear of what others might think of me stop me from getting out there and living my life.
Even today, as a grown woman married with children, I still feel insecure. The difference is, I have learned to and strive to continually improve myself and evolve which helps fight that annoying voice in my head that keeps telling me I am boring.
Whatever I have done or am doing must be working because people who know me today have a hard time believing that I am somewhat of an insecure person or I feel extremely shy and awkward in social settings or that I worry what others think of me- like if I am boring or not.
Mind you, I am still not the life of the party but, my efforts in trying to be and do more have shaped me into who I am and it has given me the confidence to feel less boring. I am pretty happy about the life I have led and the life that I will lead going forward.
Some things which have helped me overcome my insecurities include the following.
- In social setting I know how to make small talk. I know what I should and shouldn’t talk about because some things just bore other people.
- I feel a little accomplished: I have travelled to over 25 countries, including a 3,5 years living in Japan in my early 20’s and more recently living in the south of France with my husband and children from 2011 to 2016 as of this writing.
- I have experienced things during my travels that people only dream of doing which makes me feel special . We all need this don’t we?
- I have tried new things: new foods and learned new skills that my mind told me I could never do or that I would hate but I ended up loving them after I tried them.
- I am pretty good at my job and I enjoy it.
- yada yada yada, blah blah blah.
The point I am trying to make is, if you suffer from feeling boring like I did, or you find your life is boring, it is going to take a lot of effort to change that. You have to really put yourself out there, try to do everything you can and you can’t let fear stop you. It might take years but you can do it.
But enough about me. I won’t bore you anymore with my story. No pun intended. Here are the top 10 things I have discovered which have helped me feel and be less boring.
10 Signs You Are A Boring Person And How To Be A Less Boring Person?
Are you guilty of any of these?
1-You Talk Non Stop About Things That Only Interest You.
Sign: No one likes to be on a one-sided conversation and nothing screams BOOOORING more than talking non stop about subjects that other people couldn’t care less about. Like your mothers collection of 300 gnomes or how much money you saved using coupons. Sure it can be interesting for about a minute or two but then you move on.
Usually this type of person requires no response. They just start talking and talking with no end in sight. The listener doesn’t even need to respond. They can just nod their head and say Uhh huh, uh huh.
Solution: If you notice that you are doing all the talking and the other person has gone quiet, stop talking immediately. Try to engage the other person and ask them questions and just listen.
Conversely, if you are trapped by this boring person, there is not much you can do except excuse yourself abruptly from the conversation. Another tactic might be to change the topic to something equally boring. Good luck…
2- You Are A Total Downer
Sign: Let’s face it, no one wants to be around downers.
If you’re the type of person who constantly sees the glass as half empty and you talk about really depressing things all the time then you might be depressing and boring at the same time.
I once knew someone like this. I tried to make it work but I was exhausted by our relationship. I had to constantly lift her spirits. Whenever I met her, I was always sad, or sombre and rarely laughed.
Examples of depressing conversation killers
- “Oh Annie, I wish I was smarter”
- “Life is so hard”
- “why does everyone hate me”?
- “I have no friends”.
- whaa whaa whaa, oh woes me!!
Solution: If you know a downer in your life, the best you can do is either be blunt with them and tell them how they are depressing you. If you are like me, you will try to be there for this friend for as long as humanly possibly to support that person. In the end, if their negativity is effecting you than you might have to end the relationship or distance yourself from that person like I had to do.
If it is you who is this type of Debbie downer, consider changing your outlook on life. Being positive in life will also help lift your spirits. Try to see the positive. What’s that old saying? If life gives you lemons than make lemonade?
3- You Are Really Uptight And Overly Serious
Sign: Fun people like to laugh, tell jokes and let loose. It only makes sense that to be really boring you have to be and do the opposite.
This type of person is super RIGID and worried about PROTOCOL. God forbid if they ever let loose. Here are some examples of really uptight statements.
- “I’m too mature to do that”
- “What are all these damn kids doing in this park”
- “Someone needs to shut that kid up” ( on an air plane during landing a baby is crying)
- “Don’t bother falling in love, it all ends up in divorce anyways”
Solution: Let loose have some fun. You’ll know you are having fun when you laugh and don’t care who sees.
If you know someone who is uptight and a buzz kill than try to lead by example. Sometimes your upbeat and fun attitude can be contagious.
4-You Complain About Everything
Sign: This type of person sees fault in everything and is not afraid to let you know.
There is no joy or fun in being around someone like this because you feel like you have to walk on egg shells around them.
Here are some great examples of what a complainer might say.
- “The music is too loud” (it’s almost at the lowest setting)
- “what’s that horrible smell? “ It’s butter, garlic and shallots in a white wine sauce.
- “Stop walking on the grass, you are crushing it” (It’s a pique-nique area)
- “You eat too much”
- “you never eat” (the next day the same person said this to me)
Solution: I have no idea how to handle this type of venomous personality. In my experience, this person is out to make themselves look or feel good, by seeing the bad in others or putting others down. I usually try to be very careful around this person and I try reducing the amount of time I spend with them. If that is not possible than have a good outlet to recharge and re-boot.
5-You Never Try New Things or Travel To New Places
Sign: Fun, non-boring people tend to do and see a lot of new things. They talk about those things and are so filled with joy because their life is so satisfying.
A boring person doesn’t do much outside of their necessary routine. Work, eat sleep. It’s hard to talk to someone who hasn’t had a lot of experience outside of their normal routine.
Solution: The solution is simple. Get out and do some stuff. Anything.
- Go to the museum
- Check out a new ethnic restaurant
- Go to the gym or learn to play squash
- Travel to new places, live abroad or spend a year in France like we did.
6- You Never Ever Smile
Sign: When I think about people who are fun in my life, I picture them smiling, laughing and just being jovial.
When I think of someone boring, I picture scowling faces and furrowed eyebrows.
Which one are you? All Smiles or all frowney?
Solution: Just smile. I learned a long time ago that the simple act of smiling can lift someone’s spirits.
Smiling is also contagious. I have smiled at scowly faced people on the street and to my surprise, they suddenly smile back.
I once had someone stop to “thank me” for smiling at them. Try it, it really works.
7- You Are Super Predictable and Never Spontaneous
I love seeing life through my children’s eyes because like most kids, they are naturally curious and seek out new experiences. Well, it’s also fun to be around adults with these qualities. Not only does it make you less predictable, you can also become more spontaneous and less likely to do the same thing day in and day out.
Contrast that to someone who is ALWAYS predictable and nothing new ever happens to them. No one will ask “Gee, I wonder what so and so person is up to”. They won’t have to because they will know that you always do the same thing every day. Now that I think about it, isn’t that what a rut looks and feels like? Who wants to be in a rut?
Examples of some ways you can be predictable are…..
- Everything you do has to be planned to the “T”
- You always take the practical safe route in life.
- You say NO more than you say YES
Solution: If you are this type of boring and predictable person, do more things you would not normally do. Start right now. Go and find something new to do and just go do it. Say “YES” more. Stop planning everything. Now go.
8- You Work All The Time
Sign: When you make work your life’s purpose your almost guaranteed to be a boring person because. Who wants to hang out with someone who enjoys working more than they like laughing and having fun. I’m all for working hard. Hell, I work my ass off but if that is all I did, my family would probably disown me.
Solution: Spend more time outside of work. I’m not talking about vegging out in front of the T.V. like some tired overworked couch potato. I’m talking about living your life to the fullest and doing all those things you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t yet. Don’t let work define who you are.
9-You have No Hobbies
When you are around other people who are passionate about a subject, such as a hobby, it becomes part of who you are. It can give you purpose and make you feel more fulfilled about your life. Certain hobbies put you in contact with other people who share the same passion as you such as sailing, golfing, knitting, mine-craft, cooking and even board games.
Solution: Get a hobby. Then meet other people who enjoy that same hobby. There are lots of clubs for various hobbies you can join. Just look online or in your local paper.
10-You are A Hermit
A hermit’s life is not only very sad but it’s also uninteresting, monotonous and plain.
A hermit is a slave the four walls of their house. Never experiencing all that life has to offer.
Solution: Get out there and live your life.
FINAL WORD OF ADVICE..
It’s easy to be less boring.
It just involves a little change and an adventurous spirit.
Yes, you may have to go a little outside of your comfort zone to try new things, meet new people or see new places. But it’s worth it. give it a try.
One baby step at a time. You can start small and do something new everyday.
Before you know it, people will call you “THE FUN ONE”